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| I know you might not read this...but...be strong. Everyone is there for you, your friends love you.
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| I know i screwed up big...i know i deserve the anger. I will never forget our past together, i will never forget all that i cherish. I've grown into a different person because of you, you brought me true happiness. I know i caused you pain, i hope one day you forgive me. I've always told you how i wanted, and hoped for a best friend, and when things are better again, i hope that you can be that.
I wronged you, none of this is your fault, i never deserved you, i wish i was. Maybe the timing wasn't right...i don't know. We all learn and grow from our experiences, and hopefully one day, i can be that person who deserves your love and kindness.
We met under the oddest of circumstances...and hopefully fate will let our paths cross again.
Thank you for bringing joy back into my life.
| | |
| I just feel...empty...so hollow.
I've begun to lose interest in things and apathy is setting in
Everything seems to be a pale silhouette of what it was before.
There's a sadness in my eyes i just can't fake
I tried shaking this feeling...but i can'ts
yah thats it...real blah
| | |
| :(
A storm is brewing
The storm begin anew
| | |
| Wow, i used to write some down right depressing things, i guess its
good i got it out of my system, no i tend to be just cranky. :p but at
least i can attribute that to school, and who isn't cranky about school?
Well its been a while since i posted...sooo lets make this good shall we?
Its kinda late right now, and i'm sleepy but thankfully friday has come and brought me a brief break in the madness of school.
Its
amazing how much time school now takes up, weekends are starting to be
eaten by the insatiable monster. Not that i have anyone to hang out
with on the weekends anymore...hmmm but strangely, i don't feel too bad
about it, like i miss the feeling of belonging when i hung out with
marco and daniel all the time, but i guess i'm mature enough finally to
be able to be self sufficent. I would still like to do something,
sometimes...*nudge nudge*. I do like this feeling of me being more
stable though, i had hit an awfully rough patch 1.5 years ago and i
thank people who actually took my crap and stuck by me (ie. Ali) I feel
like i've learned a lot, and i feel the creeping movement of wisdom
maybe finally moving in. I'm don't regret any of hte things that
happened in that bad spot, and i'm no longer holding onto the negative
emotions i have for people and the situations. I was young, niave, and
seemingly perpetually lovestruck, and i take 1/2 the responsiblity for
those things, i was never a victim, i played a role in it too. Oh well,
things kinda worked out in the end, and now things can only go up from
here. Doug's out at a party right now, and me being stupid and still
insecure (though about different things), feel kinda insecure and
unsettled by it. It sucks that we can't be together and even moreso
when he's out having fun and i'm sitting at home with this blasted
machine again. Its clearly not his fault, i mean i'm not a complete nut
job, he should go out and have fun with his friends, but i guess its
more reassuring for me think that he's at home alone thinking about me
like i am about him? Who knows..see now i'm reaching my issues in
relationships!, oh well i'm still new at it...give me time. God i'm
starting to bore myself again!
Ummm school is going okay, its pretty
damn busy, and ihave a group project tomorrow and a midterm on monday,
so its not too bad right now i guess. Dang i never did so much school
work in my life...i guess this is what coasting though 99% of my
education gets me.
I think i need some new pictures too, the last
one i took was beginning of summer? though i think i look pretty rough
right now...
My sister said i should try to become a much VJ...how
odd...she thinks i would be good at it? I mean i don't know jack about
music and i would just be a ranting lunatic who's obsessed with teeth.
Though i think it would be so much fun to do it...i wouldn't want to
miss a year of school, but i would seriously consider it, i always
wanted a more carefree lifestyle, and what a crazy cool oppurtunity!
Rene Chu DMD VJ
Speaking
of which, ordered a new iPod today, should get it in like 2.5 weeks i
hope, not the nano, the full fledged one, i need the memory. I think
i'm tapped out now, and thank you for anyone who made it to the end of
this post. Hope to see you soon...well people i can see soon...hmmmm | | |
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